Monday, 14 April 2014

Abuja Car bomb is the Work of my Enemies- President Jonathan

The mystery surrounding today’s car bomb explosions in the capital city may have finally been solved.

According to a confidential aide who overheard a private discussion between the president and some of his ministers, irrefutable information has reached the presidency on the exact origins of the plot, and the mastermind behind the dastardly act.

Two weeks before today’s explosive event, several Pastors, Imams and other spiritualist of unspecified religions, had warned the number one citizen of an imminent act of sabotage of his daughter’s wedding ceremony.

The prayer warriors had been summoned to the villa on the rock to prayerfully ward off the usual mechanisations of evil elements that manifest during festive periods in the metropolis.

Particular emphasis was placed on the smooth celebration of Mr President’s daughter’s wedding which advisers to the president feared could be exploited by disgruntled elements in the opposition to upstage the Commander in Chief.

It was during this extraordinary prayer session that the men of God miraculously had the same vision in which they clearly saw cars being towed away and ordinary citizens running like headless chickens.

The vision was however blurred by torrential downpour that made it difficult for the spiritualists to unravel the meaning of the vision, or for that sake, to properly identify the face of a pot-bellied man grinning from a balcony as he watched the mayhem.

Determined to provide the president with an interpretation however, the prayer warriors asked for a few more days to continue with their prayers, fasting, and supplications in the special suites reserved for them within the presidential complex.

At the end of three extra days of energetic prayers, the spiritualists presented their findings to the president.

It was the contents of their dossier that the Mr President was discussing with his ministers when Hot Swen Media Spy happened to be serving tea in a top-secret meeting room in the presidential villa.

Mr President reportedly informed the select ministers in attendance that he had asked the spiritualists to shift the day of the impending mayhem to a day after his daughter’s wedding and also away from the presidential villa to a place where regular civilians are. He also stated that the identity of the guilty party had not only been revealed to the Pastors and Imams in their shared visions, but the vision had also clearly shown that it was not the work of Boko Haram at all.

When asked by a female minister in attendance, Mr President is reported to have disclosed the identity of the terrorist thus, “It is my very good enemy, he thought he could attack me at my daughter’s wedding, I will soon reveal his identity in an open letter just be patient.”

May the souls of all the departed rest in peace. 

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