Saturday, 2 August 2014


Following the recent Ebola virus epidemic in some West African countries and the discovery of a man with the virus in Lagos Nigeria, the Federal Government of Nigeria has placed a total ban on the operations of commercial transports system in Nigeria.

In an emergency announcement on HotSwen Tv, Mr President said “We have decided to ban Danfo buses, Taxi, Okada, Bicycle, Canoe, Molue, BRT, Train and even aeroplanes from operating in Nigeria. This Ebola virus is a very serious thing , how can a virus so deadly as that be transferable from one person to another by ordinary handshake or body contact? My wife, Patience, and I were watching TV just last night expecting to see the usual Boko Haram Stories but to our surprise, all we were seeing on TV was Ebola Ebola everywhere. When I asked Patience what Ebola was, she said it is a very serious disease caused by eating Eba and it can be transmitted by handshake or body contact. She said a Liberian man ate Eba on a flight and when he landed in Nigeria he had Ebola and he has transferred it to some people already. I have therefore banned all public gatherings, all forms of public transport and also it is now a criminal offence to eat Eba in Nigeria, anyone found eating Eba will be arrested and prosecuted. Also, it is now a crime to give names with Ebola in them to your children eg OyEbola, AdEbola etc and for those who already bear those names please go and get tested.  Now that there are no more Danfos or okadas or BRTs, Nigerians will even be healthier because they will learn to walk more. If you live at Ikeja and you work on the island and you want to get to work by 8am on Monday morning you better leave your house and start walking to your office by 8pm on Sunday night. It is also advisable to obey all walking laws and to always go out with your walking licence to avoid falling on the wrong side of the law. “Mr President said.

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